October Reflections

It is already half way through October and I’ve hardly noticed the turning seasons… spending no more than a week in each state has made it hard to feel the way fall softly drops the temperature, changes the smells, and alters the scenery. We’ve been on the road for 33 days. I wonder if it has changed me. To be honest I have not felt like my self for some time now… since choosing to sell the house and diving into the insanity of moving and renovations that ensued. Finishing school in May probably contributed to this shifting sense of identity as well. I have been letting the world flow right through me since then… not really attaching too much, not really connecting too much, feeling distant and somewhat uninterested. It hasn’t made me nervous, as change is inevitable and this time in my life has been rife with it. Still, none of these things are ideal, and it was a relief this week when I began to feel the edges of myself again. This post is more rambling than I would like… but I hope to make this blog more of a practice and I needed to start somewhere. I have been on the fence about writing recap posts for the states I missed since my first post. But I want to get something down, just to remember. There are so many small things that have probably already faded from my mind.

When I think back to our time in Nevada, I think of the smell of wet sage that permeated the air when we arrived at Washoe state park.

It was strong like eucalyptus and myrrh and felt so thrilling on the first night of our adventure. I remember drinking it hungrily in the darkness. And then there was the lightning storm we sat through on the side of Rt. 6… the hail that beat angrily on our roof and the lightning that struck nearby. Waking up at a cold rest stop, alone, in the middle of nowhere. Cold, cold days.

And then a freezing and rainy dream-like day in Salt Lake City before arriving in heaven, AKA Hurricane, Utah.

Our week in the Sand Pit, a handful of windy nights that rocked our RV so hard that we could barely sleep. The thin red sand that somehow permeated every corner of the RV (we are still finding it).The immense beauty of Zion and the morning we left the RV at dawn to get into the cold narrows before they got too crowded. This was hands down one of the most amazing things I’ve experienced. I dragged my feet the whole way there, nervous about the cold… and the water… and whether or not it would be worth the trek into the unknown. But it was so exhilarating. I stopped feeling the cold almost as soon as we stepped into the water. The feeling of walking through a sacred place was overwhelming and when the deep blue waters weren’t catching my eye, it was because the light cast on the sheer canyons above was impossible to look away from.

We ATV’d through red sand dunes–something I never thought I would enjoy but oh my lord was it fun. We swam in the bluest lake surrounded by bright red rock outcroppings. We had fireside gin and tonics. Overall our time in Utah was incredible. Southern Utah floored me. I connected so strongly with the landscape, a huge surprise to me. I had always thought the desert was somewhat of a boring landscape– but the colors of Southern Utah were anything but that.  It was in Utah when we sadly learned that Jordan’s grandmother had passed, and that he would have to get back to the Bay Area for a few days for her service and to be with his family. My most amazing mom said that she would fly out to be with me while he was gone, and so I decided to have him park me near Santa Fe, NM. After a few long and intense driving days which included a blown out tire on the freeway & a perilous full moon walk to the sound of wild dogs cries in the distance, we parked at Cochiti Lake, about 45 south of Santa Fe.Jordan left on Saturday, and my mom came on Sunday. We had a whirlwind of a trip together and it was just so nice to spend time with her. This past year is the most distant I have ever been from my family and it has been so tough having them all on the East Coast. Needless to say, we had a lot of face time catching up to do… and it was so good for my soul. We spent a couple days in Santa Fe and had lunch two days in a row at Cafe Pasqual’s because it was AMAZING! I am literally still thinking of the BLT and the Chile Relleno… we both left with a cookbook so we could try to recreate some of the deliciousness on our own. On her last day we went to the Balloon Fiesta in Albuquerque. We left the RV around 430, and got to the fiesta around 530. We really had no idea what to expect, and the freezing cold morning had frozen a bit of our excitement. But then the sun rose over the hills to the east, and one after one, hundreds of hot air balloons began to inflate and rise into the air. It was so incredible, whimsical and unreal.

The most beautiful combination of colors and crazy shapes and a bluebird day. It was the best way to end our quick trip together and I dropped her off at the Santa Fe airport just before noon, feeling more awake and inspired and so grateful for all of her wisdom.

Just four hours later I was back at the tiny adobe airport to pick up my honey. It was just the best getting Jordan back and the few days apart made me appreciate him even much more. He has taken on so much with the RV… fixing everything that has gone wrong and driving us safely from place to place. This adventure we have embarked on together is providing a lot of growth, both as individuals and as a couple. In just a month, our day to day life has changed so drastically and I find myself feeling so grateful at the end of every day that he is the one beside me, so blessed for the life we are creating together.

We spent just a couple more days in the Santa Fe area, one to recoup from our whirlwind family-time trips, one to explore Santa Fe, and one to climb into the mountains to try to catch some fall foliage (we missed it). As we wandered through a patch of nearly bare Aspen trees, I realized that the seasons had turned. We’ve been chasing summer but have finally been faced with fall. This is usually the time of year when I feel the most grounded, and turn inward towards the home and security and dark early nights, roasted vegetables and sage, nightly fires in the living room. My favorite months, the time when I feel most like myself. Today we drive into Colorado and I am beginning to feel more relaxed in our transient life. I am working on ways to feel grounded when we are rolling around on wheels, and how to remember myself when I feel new pieces emerging in every new experience. I have loved being on the West coast these past 8 years, and will miss it dearly for a long long (looong) time. But I’ve felt the call of the East for some time now, and the feeling is only increasing as we inch closer in that direction. My future posts will be more structured and well thought out… but it felt good to be messy with this recap. Sometimes you just have to start.

-Annie