It’s really been a long time since posting on here. It is the time of my life, traveling around the country in an RV, living the explorer’s life, with all the love and companionship I could ask for from an amazing partner and three furry friends.
We’ve been from California through a desolate Nevada, saw the red rock of Utah and Zion, 100’s of balloons fly near Sante Fe, Sunrises in Colorado Springs, the tranquility of the Missouri forests, some West Virginia lakeside hearths, Pittsburgh, Scranton, and Cape Cod…
…Through the Fields of Virginia and the Queen city, over a stone mountain in Georgia, and in the bayou of Louisiana. We were blessed by family for Christmas in New Orleans’ French Quarter.
Spent New Years in Miami, January in Key West and then canoed the Everglades, and the past few weeks exploring the bluest freshwater springs of the Ocala National Forest. Whew.
As I write this, we’re sitting in a dense jungle of palms, oaks blanketed in ferns and moss, dripping in the fog like tears, and only steps from an endless and empty Atlantic Beach, FL, where oceanic rage pounds the shore, yet is listlessly subdued by the sandy dunes.
I feel like a pioneer, discovering these places for the first time (for many of them, it was my first time). It is a dream I have had a long time, a dream I’ve worked and persisted to obtain, and a dream I never thought to achieve at this time or through these means. And a dream I live everyday.
But I’ve lost so much in the past year. I abandoned a career I was sure about. A home and family and friends I love. A whole future was lost, a future predicated on a past now filled with painful moments of not enough. I just lost a tooth that has been a problem this whole time. And this year, I’ve lost two grandparents…forever.
We are going to have to give it all back. And in this way, no matter who you are, no matter what you’ve done, or how “successful” you’ve become, we all share the same truth: that now we have life, and later we will not. It is the greatest example of balance in the universe. To gift an abundant mind and body, capable of so much appreciation, then to lose it, however that may come, is a terrible loss.
And yet through a kind of balance, it is that loss that makes the gift of a beautiful life not only magnificent but also guaranteed. All the loss we encounter, both past and future, amalgamates and contributes to our happiness and joy in the most direct and meaningful exchange a person can experience. In exchange for our past and future suffering, we are given infinite opportunity for happiness in the moment.
Unlike most exchanges we are familiar with—where cause and effect maintain their disciplined order, one after the other, like they are waiting in line—the exchange of life and loss occurs between the now and naught. You will lose things you hold dear, you have lost them before. BUT RIGHT NOW, you have life and a dream. If you live in the moment, and dream in the moment, then this moment shares both your life and your dreams.
In exchange for this wonderous gift, we will lose everything.
Expect that. Embrace that. Enjoy it even.
The loss we experience is the single best guarantee that you are living your dream. That behind the many disappointments and failures and painful goodbyes is a cosmic recycling of negative to positive, bad to good, then to now.
This life I lead, now a dream, at times in the recent past filled with unthinkable despair, loss, and pain, I give to the great recycling center in the sky. I know it will not last forever—even now we are considering where we will ‘end up’—of course we cannot always live this life of leisure. There will be loss, there will pain. But there will also be my dream, which I’ve learned now not to compromise—because when the loss and pain come I will welcome it, I will embrace it, I hope to enjoy it even—and it will fuel my dream.
I don’t try to explain know how or why, but this is what I choose to believe. Thanks for listening .